The Great Television Mess Up
by AutumnBreeze12
Summary: Oneshot. Never send Malfoy to a doctor's office looking for a smellypishion with only Ronald Weasley as help.


**The Great Television Mess Up**

* * *

"This, class, is a real television!" said the muggle studies Professor as he ripped the sheet off of the television dramatically. The class was silent as they stared at the small box. After a few moments of silence, the Professor cleared his throat nervously and began to talk.

"This television is in black and white—which is what most muggles like to use! It shows a total of four television programs. That's a surprisingly large amount for a regular television! And… um…" the Professor trailed off nervously as no one said or did anything. Until someone started laughing.

"Professor… you do realize that televisions these days have hundreds of programs? And that they're all in color?" asked a student who was well versed in any muggle material.

"Really?" asked the Professor, blinking stupidly for a moment. "Well, then I guess I'll need a new television…" the bell chose this moment to ring, and the class swarmed out of the classroom. The Professor was left alone, staring at the television.

"But if I chose the television, I might get it mixed up again… I know! I'll send one of my students!" he said, delighting in the fact that he was able to come to such a smart conclusion.

He turned to address his class, only to find them gone. He stared around the empty room for a few moments, before checking the time. He blinked a couple more times before realizing that the bell must have rung.

"Oh," he said in realization. "The bell rang," he began to hum softly as he walked around the classroom absentmindedly. He was so glad that most of the students (or those silly Purebloods) were recquired to take this class for more understanding for muggles. He did have to wonder, though, why half of his class never seemed to show up… He was brought out of his _very _smart thoughts when a commotion was heard outside.

He walked outside of his classroom to find two of his students, Ronald Weasley and Draco Malfoy, fighting each other. As he stared at them exchanging curses, he had another bright idea!

"Hey! Weasley and Malfoy! Come in my classroom for a moment, please," he said, beckoning them in the room. He went in ahead of them, and thought that he heard them talking.

"Think we're in trouble?" he thought he heard Weasley ask.

"Not a chance—this Professor is slow and stupid. No one knows why Dumbledore hired him," said Malfoy. The Professor shook his head. Of course they wouldn't be saying that! He was just hearing things. Again.

He turned around to them and smiled brightly. Two faces stared back at him, each looking as though they wanted to kill the other. He shook his head again. Of course they wouldn't want to kill each other! They were both nice people!

"I need to ask you two a favor," he started, "you're both young, smart folks. I need you two to go out and buy me a television!"

"A what?" asked Malfoy.

"A smellypishion!" said Weasley, scrunching up his face in hopes of getting it right. The Professor smiled at his vain attempt to get it right.

"A television. I need you two to go to a television store and buy me a new model," he said. "I'll give you the money—I'm sure five pounds will do it…"

"Excuse me, but I'm not going out to a muggle store and buying a smellypishion," drawled Malfoy. The Professor blinked.

"But why wouldn't you?" he asked.

"Because it's full of muggles!" Malfoy insisted. The Professor shook his head.

"Listen, if you do this for me I'll… do something really nice back!" said the Professor. "And I order you as your Professor, to go get me one!"

So he sent the two grumbling boys on their way. He knew this would be a good idea!

* * *

"I can't believe that Professor sent us here," said Malfoy, glaring around at the store with open hostility. Weasley simply stared around the store, wondering what they should get.

"Well, the portkey took us here, and the Professor said to get a new smellypishion with these five pounds, so I'm assuming we look for some smellypishions," said Ron as he glanced around at the store.

"You do it, Weasel," said Malfoy.

"Why don't you, if you're so great and mighty?" challenged Weasley.

"I don't want to get my hands dirty! I don't care if the war is over and your stupid side won, I'm not lowering myself to doing such a stupid task!" snapped Malfoy irritably.

"You just can't do it!" said Weasley.

"Fine!" snapped Malfoy as he grabbed the money and marched up to a saleslady. "Hey. You," he snapped, waving his hand in front of her face. She glared at him as he turned up his nose at her attire.

"How may I help you?" she gritted out through her teeth.

"I need a new smellypishion," Malfoy announced.

"A _what_?"

"Smellypishion. The stuff you muggles watch!" he insisted.

"A television?"

"That's what I said, isn't it?"

The saleslady glared at him. "This is a gardening store," she snapped. "We don't sell electronics here."

"Well, where do you sell them, then?" asked Malfoy. The saleslady stared at him for a moment before a smile flitted onto her face for half a second.

"We sell them down the street… at that house right there…" the saleslady pointed out the house.

Malfoy didn't respond as he marched out of the store and began to go to the house. Weasley caught up with him quickly. "Could you be any more rude to that girl?" Weasley snapped.

"What are you talking about? I was polite to her!" snarled Malfoy.

"You're so messed up," murmured Weasley.

"At least I can _afford _to be messed up," said Malfoy imperiously. Weasley started towards him with his fist ready to punch, but Malfoy hurried ahead of him. He got to the house and, without bothering to knock, walked straight in.

The house turned out not to be a house at all—in fact, it seemed to be an office. An extremely white office. They stared around at it for a few moments before walking forward to a lady sitting behind a desk.

"We need a smellypishion," stated Malfoy.

"What?" asked the lady.

"Yeah, we need one," snapped Malfoy. "Make it quick, we don't have all day."

"Are you feeling well? The doctor is in today…"

"I don't need a… whatever that is! I need a smellypishion!"

"I think I'll call the doctor right now for you…"

Weasley stood back and watched as a man came in and began to examine Malfoy, who was trying to resist. After a while of poking and prodding, the doctor pronounced that Malfoy needed to go to the hospital for "mental issues". Weasley laughed as they hauled Malfoy away with a white thing that constricted his movements.

Weasley frowned as Malfoy was gone. Now he just needed a smellypishion. Weasley gasped as he realized Malfoy had the money.

Weasley shrugged and looked around the room he was in. There were a couple of children's toys lying around and a whole ton of plastic chairs. The room smelled very clean. Along with the children's toys, there was a small table and in the corner… a smellypishion!

Weasley glanced around furtively. They wouldn't mind if he borrowed it to take to the teacher? He grabbed the small thing and before anyone could protest, he was gone. His portkey had taken him away.

He landed right in the middle of the muggle studies classroom. "Did you get it?" asked the teacher as he helped him up from his fallen place.

"Yeah. Malfoy… uh… went to the bathroom. So he's not here right now," said Weasley.

"Okay," said the Professor happily. "You're dismissed, Weasley," he announced, looking up from his prize only to find the boy gone. He blinked then shrugged. His next class began to file in at that moment.

The Professor straightened up and smiled at the entire class. "Now, class, this is a television!" he announced as he held it up.

The class was silent for a few moments until someone laughed. "Uh… Professor… that's a cardboard box that looks like it's been drawn on by children…"

* * *

A/N: This is for a contest. And I was hoping that it would help get rid of my writer's block. It's just a one-shot—it's not going to turn into anything more.

Review!


End file.
